jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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