Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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