you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
