I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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