i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
