im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
