I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm both gender and math confused
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
