My sheets look like a crime scene.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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