I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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