I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
