They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
