I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
