Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
