he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
