I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
