Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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