i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dicks are not precious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
