i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
