ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
