I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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