A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
