I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
