she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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