Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
