I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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