Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
