so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
