I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize