He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
