when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
