I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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