I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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