My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize