I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize