this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
not ubering you a puppy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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