john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize