covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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