Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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