are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
