im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
