I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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