And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
