Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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