You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize