i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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