If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
