Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
