Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
