I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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