Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
