Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
