I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
