Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
