Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
