it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
