RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
