I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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