first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
