So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
