Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
