She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
