tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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