He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
