The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize