So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize