I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
