Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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