I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
