I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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