Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize