i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
even my farts smell like vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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