It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
