How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
