I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize