The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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