My liver just broke up with me...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
