Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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