Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
