I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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